A follow-up to the infamous "Jesus is Coming" post.

The original post (from Clarence L. Thomas IV) is cited in italics; the responses (from Alan Morgan) are cited in bold.

From alanm@gateway.efi.com Fri Jan 21 20:38:48 MST 1994
From: alanm@gateway.efi.com (Alan Morgan)
Newsgroups: comp.lang.c
Subject: Re: Global Alert For All: Jesus is Coming Soon
Date: 17 Jan 1994 17:11:59 -0800
Organization: Electronics For Imaging Inc.
Lines: 158
Distribution: world
Message-ID: <2hfd0v$b1t@outage.efi.com>
References: <2hf92p$p3b@orion.cc.andrews.edu>
In article <2hf92p$p3b@orion.cc.andrews.edu> clarence@orion.cc.andrews.edu (Clarence L. Thomas IV) writes:

The earthquake in Los Angeles, California, the flood in Europe, the seemingly unstoppable war in the former Yugoslavia, the devastating fires in Australia, the flood in the Midwest of the United States of America, the devastating fires near Los Angeles, California, the rapid and appalling increase in violence in cities, towns, villages all over the world, the famines, the diseases, the rapid decline of the family unit, and the destructive earthquake in India (in 1993) are signs that this world's history is coming to a climax. The human race has trampled on God's Constitution, as given in Exodus 20:1-17 (King James Version Bible), and Jesus is coming to set things right. These rapidly accelerating signs are an indication that Jesus is coming soon (Matthew 24).
Which compiler are you using?
God's Holy Spirit is gradually withdrawing its protection from the earth and the devastating events you see are demonstrations of Satan's power. All those who are not guarded by God are in danger of forever losing eternal life.
Have you tried compiling with -Wsatan? That should warn you about all demonstrations of Satan's power in your code. There is a software product Divinity (tm) which will find Satanic leaks in your code. I highly recommend this product. It costs only $666.
If you want to know what's about to happen, please study the books of Daniel and Revelation which are located in God's Word, the Bible. They are not sealed or closed books. They can and must be understood by all. Every word in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation is true. The Bible and the Bible only must be your guide.
Oh yeah? Where in the Bible does it say that i = i++ is a bad idea? Huh? HUH? Does it talk about Quicksort? DOES IT? Where does it discuss the evils of goto and unstructred code? When you get a bus error don't come crying to me buddy!
When God's Law (the Constitution for the Universe) is consistently ignored, disregarded, changed, and questioned, He permits certain events to occur to wake us up. I would urge all, wherever you are and regardless of the circumstances, to directly call on Jesus and ask Him to intervene in your life. Jesus who created this planet and every living creature in it and on it, died on the cross, was raised from the dead by God the Father, and is now in Heaven interceding for you. Jesus is the only One who can rescue us from the slavery, misery, and death Satan is causing us.
For those of you who have to think in computer terms:

Satan - Microsoft
Jesus - The FSF
God - A committee of Richard Stallman, Donald Knuth, Brian Kernighan, and Dennis Ritchie
Old Testament - K&R Classic
New Testament - K&R ANSI
Penance - Installing emacs

In the other direction....

gcc - becoming a Christian
gcc -Wall - becoming a Christian *and* a Moslem (just to be sure)
gcc -Wall -Wprototypes - ... and a Jew. You can't be too careful
gdb - Reading the bible
sdb - Reading it in Hebrew
adb - Reading it in Klingon

For reference I'm including God's Constitution as given in the King James Version Bible. Please note that when God says the seventh day, he means Sabbath (the 7th day of the week) not Sunday (1st day of the week).
How about I just not hack on weekends at all? Is that cool?
Commandment #1: Exodus 20:1-3 (KJV) And God spake all these words, saying, I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
K&R #1 Thou shalt have no C Bible before me.
Commandment #2: Exodus 20:4-6 (KJV) Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
K&R #2 Thou shalt not use Pascal, it being only a pale shadow of C
Commandment #3: Exodus 20:7 (KJV) Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
K&R #3 Thou shalt always prototype your functions or else the C compiler will extract vengence.
Commandment #4: Exodus 20:8-11 (KJV) Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
K&R #4 Only hack on Sundays^H^H^H^H^H^H^HSaturdays if you *really* want to.
Commandment #5: Exodus 20:12 (KJV) Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
K&R #5 Hold pre-ansi C in high esteem as it was the parent of True C. Honor C++ while you are at it. You can hate COBOL if you like.
Commandment #6: Exodus 20:13 (KJV) Thou shalt not kill.
K&R #6 Don't dereference NULL.
Commandment #7: Exodus 20:14 (KJV) Thou shalt not commit adultery.
K&R #7 We really, really mean it about dereferencing NULL.
Commandment #8: Exodus 20:15 (KJV) Thou shalt not steal.
K&R #8 If you are going to use Borland C++ at least buy it so we don't have to put up with 300 moronic questions from loser piraters that could be answered by 30 seconds perusal of the manual.
Commandment #9: Exodus 20:16 (KJV) Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
K&R #9 Except Microsoft
Commandment #10: Exodus 20:17 (KJV) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
K&R #10 Just because Pascal has a cool feature that you like, don;t expect it to be in C. If you like Pascal so much, USE IT. Oh yeah, don't dereference NULL.

I also recommend that the following books be obtained and closely studied:

..... Surfing the Internet Without a Clue, an Autobiography By Clarence L. Thomas IV, Utter Nimrod Publications

Clarence L. Thomas IV


EFI agrees with me 100% on matters of fact. The above isn't and they don't.

-----> Mail abuse to: alanm@efi.com <-----

Alias 'C Frog'. Keeper of the alt.tasteless song and part-time evil genius.

Hacker's Wisdom/ "Jesus is Coming" Response
Last modified: Tue Jun 25 16:46:07 EDT 1996